Today I Am 39.
Today is my birthday and I am 39. The last year has been one of the most transformative of my life. I’ve written this post to look back at what I have learned.
Firstly; I still have the capacity to make huge mistakes. We all do, we’re human after all and sometimes we get lost. I kinda thought that my days of f*cking up were behind me but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Though I have learned from the mistakes I have made, that will be no comfort to those who have been hurt by my decisions. If I could change things or apologise to those people without making things worse I would, but I can’t. Instead I will turn the lessons of my experience into my work and use them to help those who need it. I hope that I can aid others to grow and to overcome the same feelings that led me to make the poor choices that I made. I will trust my intuition more and I commit to choosing in alignment with my values. No more self abandonment.
Periods of self reflection have sent me inside to understand who I really am. As a result, I am now more connected with myself than ever before. I’ve heard this called ‘mining for diamonds’, which I think is a beautiful metaphor. Having been a person who has lived very much in my masculine for years, I have now been able to reconnect with my sensitivity, my creativity and my feminine energy. Once a part of myself that I denied, I now see these as strengths not weaknesses. I found that I’d built a persona to fit into an environment that deep down in my soul I don’t actually want to be a part of. Now that I embrace my true self, I feel that people respond more positively to me. I think that this is because ultimately as humans we have a good sense of when someone is being authentic, and we respond to that.
I have recommitted to life long learning. I am reading more than ever now and I love it. There is so much to learn and I feel I have more time and energy to devote to my education than ever.
I am so much more connected to my body and the way that I want it to feel. I enjoy a balanced exercise program of weights, yoga and running. I am grateful that my body has got me this far without illness or injury and I want to show it respect, not criticise it. I am encouraged by the body positive and body neutrality movements and proud of the activists who are ok with their cellulite, crows feet and stretch marks and I am focused on growing more self accepting. I am so fortunate to live in a healthy body and I want to honour that.
I have discovered what a boundary is and I am so much better at saying no. I choose myself; if that means that I have to say no to something then that’s how it’s got to be. I’ve also learned that even I have needs and after years of feeling that I had to do it all, I’ve accepted that I shouldn’t have to, and that it is ok to ask for help and support.
I want to continue to grow, learn and develop over the coming year. I have big plans for my business. Because of this I have committed to doing something that scares me every day. I’m excited to see what the next year will bring.
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